Cookie cakes are an odd thing. I have no idea who decided to take these small circular treats, which apparently were originally descendants of cakes, and blow them up to cake-like diameters. Cookies are crispier and flatter than cakes, of course. So isn’t it odd that you would want a giant, crispy disk, instead of a tall, fluffy cake of the same diameter? But these cookie cakes exist. I can only imagine how this came up to begin with…
In 1350, at the height of the Black Plague that devastated much of Europe, a young couple, Klaus and Heidi, were madly in love. Klaus, a cook, worked in a local deli, where he often made very long, thick sausages. Heidi, a baker, worked in the bakery next door, making sweet treats for her sweet hunk of a man. Their relationship was a secret, however. Klaus’s father, Bernard, a fourth-generation sausage-maker, could not allow his son to date Heidi, as she was the daughter of Wilhelm, a local street musician.
Many years ago, Bernard had seen Wilhelm inside of his deli, perusing his sausages. Long ones, thick ones, his deli had all types. When Bernard turned his back, Wilhelm could not resist reaching into the display case to grab some of Bernard’s sausage. Unfortunately for Wilhelm, when he yanked Bernard’s sausage, it caught the corner of the display case, making a large noise. Bernard turned around to catch Wilhelm red-handed, with his sausage in his hand. Wilhelm apologized for his transgression, but Bernard was not the type to forgive any violation of his sausage. His father, and his father’s father before him, had taught him the sanctity of the sausage. Everyone must honor and respect the sausage. Those who do not respect it are not respecting the sausage-maker. Wilhelm had disrespected his sausage, and thus had disrespected him as a man. And thus, a bitter feud developed between Bernard and Wilhelm.
One day in spring, Klaus was at work in the deli. He could not get young Heidi off of his mind. Her sweet smile, her ample bosom, her luscious lips… his sausage was growing longer and longer. It eventually reached epic proportions, as he was blindly feeding ground meat into the sausage casing, far past the recommended length, while he daydreamed of his lover. Klaus couldn’t stand it anymore. He ran out of the deli and into the bakery where Heidi worked. “To hell with our fathers!” he yelled, as he grabbed Heidi by the arm and led her to the back of the bakery. A white liquid sprayed everywhere. Heidi had been making some cream biscuits, and her bottle of cream had toppled over when Klaus grabbed her hand.
Klaus led Heidi to a pantry in the back of the bakery, where they began kissing each other intensely. There was an urgency to this meeting, a fire that Heidi had never before seen in Klaus. After checking that nobody was watching, Klaus tore off Heidi’s skirt and bonnet, and he placed his hands on her ample bosom. Heidi, consumed by passion and lust, stripped off Klaus’s tunic, revealing his sausage. For some odd reason, Klaus had kept one of the sausages from his deli under his garment. Perhaps he felt that he was going to be hungry later. The young couple, with bodies intertwined, made passionate love on the cobblestone floor. Heidi’s back was being bruised by the stones, but she didn’t care. The man she loved was on top of her. Inside of her. All over her. What more could she ask for?
Suddenly, Klaus and Heidi heard some grumbling. That sound could only be Bernard on his afternoon snack attack! His intense cravings for a baked treat often led to audible grumbling around this time in the afternoon. But Heidi had left the front of the bakery unattended. What if Bernard were to walk into the bakery, see that the door to the back was open, and catch his son and the daughter of his mortal enemy making sweet, passionate love in the pantry? Heidi ran to the front of the bakery and locked the front door mere seconds before Bernard tried to open it. Bernard, noticing that the door was locked, knocked on the door, asking if anyone was in. He muttered something about it being so hard to find a reliable bakery these days. Just in case there was someone inside listening, he said he’d wait outside until he could get a pastry. He wasn’t leaving without one.
Meanwhile, Klaus was trying to find his clothes after Heidi had run away from him. He noticed a burning smell. His tunic had caught on fire! He must have accidentally thrown it too close to the oven. With his garment burnt to a crisp, he was completely naked. How would he escape this pickle? Heidi’s bakery was in a dead end. He couldn’t run out of the bakery without running past his father. And what would he think if he were to see his son completely naked, in the bakery of the daughter of his mortal enemy? Klaus needed a plan. He called Heidi over and explained how he lost his clothing. Heidi said that there was an apron he could throw over his shoulders, so that he wouldn’t appear bare-chested, but there really wasn’t anything in the form of pants that he could put on.
There has to be a way, Heidi thought. There must be a way to cover up Klaus’s nether regions so he can run past his father without him noticing anything. (Bernard was quite nearsighted, but if there was anything he could see, it was human flesh.) She looked around her pantry and saw that she had some butter, flour, sugar, and chocolate chips. But this wasn’t the time to be baking cookies! But what if she could make one giant cookie? That could be enough for Klaus to hold in front of his private parts and still have his upper body covered by the apron. This could just be crazy enough to work, Heidi thought. So she mixed up the ingredients for a cookie, while staring at her man’s body. How was she lucky enough to get her hands on this man of sausage? Back to the task at hand, after she had made the batter, instead of forming little individual cookies, she made one giant circle on a baking sheet, and put it in the oven.
Bernard was getting visibly agitated. When was this damn bakery going to open back up? Luckily, Heidi’s giant cookie was almost finished. She could see it crisping up in the oven. When she pulled it out, it was perfect. Golden brown around the edges, chocolate melting… but this wasn’t the time to worry about taste. Heidi shoved some oven mitts onto Klaus’s hands, and told him to hold the cookie in front of him. Heidi unlocked the door, and Bernard walked in, impatient for a pastry. Klaus then sprinted past his father, giant cookie always facing him. Bernard turned and only saw the figure of a man who seemed to have a very round bottom. He thought it odd how brown and circular his bottom was, but that wasn’t important; right now, he just wanted a pastry.
After the fiasco was over, Heidi and Klaus met, in secret, and tasted the large confection that Klaus had used as a privacy guard. Klaus was very careful to not let Heidi’s sweet treat touch his nether regions. What they discovered was that this giant cookie had the crispness of a cookie on the outside, but a very large soft and chewy interior that you hardly get enough of when making small cookies. And thus, the cookie cake was born.
OK, so that’s probably not what happened at all. I mean, why would anyone want a bakery located in a dead end? But I did run across this recipe for a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie cake. I made a small change and used semisweet chocolate chips instead of milk chocolate chips.
Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie Cake
6 tablespoons butter (3/4 stick)
1/4 cup smooth peanut butter
1 cup light brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 large egg
1 cup plain flour
1/2 tablespoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/4 cup semisweet chocolate chips
Cream the butter, peanut butter, light brown sugar, and vanilla extract together. Add the egg and stir well. Then add the flour, baking powder, and salt, and mix until just combined. Finally, stir in the chocolate chips, and you get a batter that looks kind of like the picture above.
The original recipe says to press the batter into a 10-inch round cake tin, but I used a 9-inch tart pan, since I had that handy. Then that goes into a 350F oven for 18~22 minutes.
Mine was done after 20 minutes. The middle’s still a bit soft, but the edges are nice and golden brown.
The dough rises quite a bit during baking, presumably because of the baking powder.
After about four hours of cooling, I removed it from the pan. It has this nice fluted edge from the tart pan. You can now cut it like a cake.
I gave this to a friend for her birthday, but unfortunately, one of the guests managed to drop it on the floor, and it broke into pieces, so I never got to experience how it was slicing this into cake-like slices. I guess I’ll just have to make this one again. Good thing it’s an easy recipe.