The default sweetener in baked goods tends to be the ubiquitous white sugar. But, every once in a while, something else is in order. Like… brown sugar. Moist, rich brown sugar. And as long as we’re using brown sugar, why not also use brown butter?
But what kind of madman would think of such a combination?
Steven sat in his laboratory, thinking of his next culinary creation. A molecular gastronomist by trade, he had cooking ingredients in his lab right alongside various chemicals that could transform food in ways he could never have imagined were possible.
Though he rarely ventured outside, as of late he had begun to see an enchanting woman named Isabelle. A charming young lady who lived down the street, she was intrigued by this nerdy yet somehow alluring young scientist.
One day, after weeks of flirtation, Isabelle had finally gotten an invite into Steven’s house. They chatted over coffee and laughed over biscuits in his living room. Suddenly and simultaneously, they stopped laughing. Their eyes locked, and their lips came together as if the air between them had been sucked out of the room. Their bodies came together just like their lips did.
As if an external force were present, the door to the basement laboratory flew open. Steven and Isabelle flew down the stairs, floating gently as if there were a magic carpet underneath them. Clothes flew off their bodies like untethered garments in a violent sandstorm. They found themselves in the middle of the laboratory equipment, beakers and chemicals on one side, baking supplies on the other. But in the middle was the thing they both cared about, their hot, throbbing naked bodies intertwined on the concrete floor.
They rolled around, alternating on top as instruments rained down upon them when they hit the tables. Vials were spilling all over the floor, but they paid them no heed. The fluids splashing on the concrete were nothing compared to the intensity of the fluids being exchanged between their nether regions.
Steven’s tongue made its way into the very back of Isabelle’s throat, tickling her uvula as she let out a guttural moan that reverberated through his whole body. Blood rushed downward toward their genitals, barely keeping up with their excitement. It was all Isabelle could do to not faint, as her labia were engorged with the blood that was circulating in her head seconds before.
One more roll and they knocked over a table with food on it. Some brown sugar spilled over into a metal bowl, and the butter Steven had left there to soften flew into a pan he had on a low flame. This all happened above their heads, though, and so they continued their lovemaking, oblivious to the activity of the sustenance above.
Right as the butter was melting, their moans had reached a crescendo, and Steven let loose a torrent of semen into Isabelle’s deepness. She didn’t even care that she could at that moment contract an entire spectrum of diseases, not to mention create a life form that she’d have to take care of for the next eighteen-plus years. The very last thrust was enough to send her over the edge, and she howled the way one might imagine a primate would during estrus.
While they both recovered from their transcendent experience on the cold concrete floor, Steven could smell a faint nutty aroma in the air. He got up, still dripping with bodily fluids, and noticed that there was some kind of liquid that was turning brown in the pan. He quickly turned off the heat and noticed that it was melted butter. Oh no, he thought to himself, I burned the butter that I was carefully softening!
But that aroma was so tantalizing. The pile of brown sugar in the metal bowl beckoned to him, and he mixed the brown butter with the brown sugar. Completely ignoring the naked woman sprawled out on the floor, his own fluids oozing out of her, he continued to mix ingredients in the bowl to make a cookie dough. Eggs, flour, and baking soda went into the mix, and he carefully scooped out perfect little balls onto a baking sheet. After carefully washing his hands, of course.
The trays of dough balls went into the oven, and after he cleaned up the mess they had made from their romp in the laboratory, the cookies were done. He picked one up off the tray. It was brown around the edges, but soft in the middle. He bit into it, his teeth sinking into the brown, rich goodness in the center. It was heaven. The feeling of biting into a freshly-baked, butter-filled cookie was matched only by the feeling he had experienced minutes earlier when he shot his load into Isabelle mere feet away from the oven where the cookies baked.
He had created a masterpiece. And he had this woman to thank. The woman who angrily put on her clothes and walked out of the house, walking out of his life forever.
Gosh it’s a little unsanitary to have sex in any place where there’s food. But luckily, there was no sex at all going on when I made these cookies. I got this recipe from here.
Brown Sugar Cookies
14 tablespoons (1 3/4 sticks) butter
1/4 cup white sugar
2 cups packed dark brown sugar, divided
2 cups plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon table salt
1 egg
1 egg yolk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
- Heat 10 tablespoons (1 1/4 sticks) of butter in a saucepan over medium heat until melted, and continue to cook until the butter is brown and has a nutty aroma, which should take 1 to 3 minutes after it melts.
- Remove the saucepan from the heat and pour the brown butter into a bowl.
- Stir in the remaining 4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) of butter into the brown butter until melted, and set aside.
- Preheat the oven to 350F.
- Mix together the white sugar and 1/4 cup of the brown sugar with your fingers until combined, and set aside.
- Whisk together the flour, baking soda, and baking powder in another bowl, and set aside.
- Add the remaining brown sugar and the salt to the butter mixture and mix until there are no lumps.
- Add the egg, egg yolk, and vanilla and stir until incorporated.
- Add the flour mixture to the bowl and mix until just combined.
- Divide the cookie dough into 24 portions, about two tablespoons each, and form them into balls about 1 1/2 inches in diameter.
- Toss the dough balls in the white and brown sugar mixture until they’re coated, and place them on a baking sheet about two inches apart.
- Bake for 11 to 13 minutes, until the cookies are browned and puffy, and the edges are set. The centers should still be soft, and the cookies will look raw between the cracks.
- Cool the cookies for a couple of minutes on the baking sheet before removing them to a wire rack to cool completely.
The brown butter, with all the tasty brown bits.
The dough. It’s quite buttery. And brown.
The dough balls, after being rolled in the sugar mixture.
They’re done after 11 minutes in the oven. Still a bit raw-looking between the cracks, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
The puffiness goes away after they cool a bit.
These cookies are really good. The brown sugar adds a certain depth to the cookies, and the brown butter adds a nutty flavor, while the sugar coating adds an extra crunch. It all just works together, in one decadent cookie.