I had a package of cream cheese sitting in my fridge, and I needed a way to use it somehow. So when I ran across a recipe for cream cheese pound cake, my eyes lit up. I love pound cake, and it was the perfect way to use up cream cheese.
You have to wonder, how did cream cheese end up in baked goods? I mean sure, it’s natural to put it in cheesecake. The word “cheese” is in its name, after all. But to put it in other baked goods, that’s another thing entirely.
Matt woke up in his dorm room, groggy from the events of last night. What happened? He was wearing only his underwear, and his head hurt, as if a large St. Bernard had stepped on his head with its large paws. It was then he noticed that there was another body in his bed. Long, flowy black hair covering the back of her neck, the sheets clinging tightly to her naked back. Where did she come from?
He suddenly remembered that he had gone out to a club last night, dragged there by his meathead friends. There’ll be tons of horny Asian chicks there, they promised him. They knew Matt was into Asian girls. Well, he was Asian, after all. Lured by their promises of pussy, he tagged along, even though he hated dancing and loud music.
The memories came flooding back, the dam holding alcohol-muddled recollections bursting from the pressure of the desire to remember. He sidled up to a hot young Asian woman with long hair, her back open just enough to tease him without being overtly slutty. She noticed his presence and turned around. Maybe it was the two Jack and Cokes he had already knocked back in an attempt to gather up some courage, but her face seemed to glow a bit when she smiled at him, her pearly white teeth emitting rays of light that pierced his heart to make it beat faster.
Her body was soon writhing against his. Her round breasts, ample yet not overwhelming in size, rubbed against the front of his shirt, his chiseled pecs underneath pressing back against her. Her crotch found itself pressed up against his, as the blood flowed downward in both of their bodies to supply their most vital organs with the oxygen and volume they needed in this moment of lust on the dance floor.
Their nether regions were as wet as a foggy day in San Francisco, their bodies producing sweat that excited each other’s pheromone receptors in a way they’d only read about in their animal behavior textbooks. Their lips were brought together like two magnets of opposite polarity. Not a single word exchanged, they were in a deep embrace that lovers of many years could only dream of.
Stumbling over to the bar, he bought two drinks. Why does the man always have to pay for drinks, even when he’s a poor college student, he thought to himself. Oh because the man’s the one who wants sex more, he realized. She had already had a cosmopolitan and a fuzzy navel, and her 102-pound frame was not suited for holding large amounts of alcohol. But here was this incredibly handsome, dark Asian guy who was offering her a drink. Who was she to refuse?
She graciously accepted the Tokyo Iced Tea, its greenness glowing slightly in the neon lights of the club. The melon flavor lingered on the back of her tongue, exciting her palate in a tantalizing way she hadn’t expected from a drink at a nightclub. He was downing his Long Island Iced Tea, the five types of liquor lubricating any kind of inhibitions he had about wriggling against a hot but complete stranger.
Matt had to say no words to lead her out of the club. His piercing brown eyes drew her like the gravitational forces of a black hole, as she followed her out of the club and to the nearby dorm. We’re classmates, she thought to herself, smiling from the satisfaction that she might one day see him again, even after whatever was to happen tonight.
She could hardly see what was in his room, as his tongue was darting to the far corners of her mouth as he opened his door to let her inside. Her eyes were closed as she tried to lose herself in the bliss that was this beautiful man’s embrace. The door closed behind them, and they hopped onto his bed, which she noticed was neatly made. What a turn-on.
Her dress unzipped as easily as taking off a sock, and Matt found himself with this gorgeous Asian girl in her bra and panties, sitting on his bed and kissing him. The clasp on her bra was undone much more easily than he expected. Did the alcohol help with his dexterity? Or did this girl have some special bra that unhooked easily for easy access? No matter, he was going to get laid.
His shirt came off, followed by his pants. She in her lace panties, he in his boxers, they explored each other’s mouths while reaching for their private regions. Their hands reached underneath elastic, exploring the forbidden organs that were dampened with the excitement of imminent copulation. The wet spots were visible, as was the lust in their eyes.
The foreplay continued for minutes, the wetness increasing from mist to a trickle. Their underwear was soon on the floor with the rest of their clothes, and he pulled out a condom from the nearby drawer. Even in his inebriated state, he was concerned about disease and pregnancy. A cautious Asian man at all times. He tore open the wrapper gently bur urgently, as he unrolled it onto his now-throbbing penis.
She lay on the bed, ready to receive him. Matt propped himself up over her body, straddling her torso with his muscular thighs. He thrust his penis into her wet vagina, the key finally finding the hole it was meant to go into. He kissed her neck, sucking like there was a secret underneath her skin he needed to get out. The thrusting was rhythmic and passionate. He was getting worried her constant moaning was disturbing the neighbors for a moment. But screw them, I worked so hard for this one, Matt said to himself.
Her moans grew louder, sounding like a hyena in distress. But she was in no distress, as she could feel her body getting lighter and lighter, blood rushing to her vagina as if that were the only place it needed to go. Matt couldn’t help but starting moaning as well, as he felt the pressure increasing in his penis. The pleasure was becoming unbearable. They both wished these sensations could continue forever.
Sensing his climax nearing, Matt switched positions, twisting her off of him so that she was straddling him. This turned her on even more, as she was now in control. She writhed on top of his chiseled body, her breasts bouncing up and down as she rode his penis harder and harder. She angled herself just right so that the tip of his penis was hitting her G-spot, sending intense waves of pleasure throughout her body. They radiated outward, toward the tips of her fingers and toes, and soon she felt herself losing control. The moan that came out was from the far reaches of her consciousness, some corner she had never allowed herself to reach. But it came out now, as the orgasm she experienced was nothing like she had ever experienced before.
Hearing her primal moan was just enough to push Matt over the edge. His breathing increased, his pupils dilated, as a surge of energy rushed towards his loins like a pack of wildebeests homing in on a lone zebra. The condom was filled with his semen, a latex barrier wrapped around a fountain that knew not when to stop. She lifted himself off of her, their bodies covered in each other’s sweat. They pulled on some undergarments for a modicum of decency, as they silently went to sleep in his dorm room bed.
And here they were, the next morning, Matt unable to recall his lover’s name. Hungover and hungry, he opened his minifridge. He spied a block of cream cheese he had bought last week, for reasons unknown. Maybe he was thinking of making some kind of cream cheese-based dip, but those plans had never come to fruition. But he knew he had to use it. He spied butter and eggs, which reminded him of the pound cake he had made for his last girlfriend. Oh what a fine woman she was. Until she left him for some douche because he was hotter. Whatever.
Cream cheese was fatty enough to moisten any cake it went into, he said to himself, the chemistry classes he took actually coming in handy. After he pulled on a shirt and jeans, he got some flour and sugar from his cupboard. Despite being in a dorm room, he enjoyed baking. Something he never admitted to his meathead buddies, but the ladies in his life sure enjoyed it. He quickly formed a batter from the butter, sugar, flour, and eggs, and mixed in the cream cheese, as well as some baking powder and vanilla extract. His trusty loaf pan was sitting in his sink, which he quickly rinsed and dried before pouring the batter in. He went down the hall to the communal kitchenette and popped the loaf pan in, setting the timer for an hour.
Back in his room, the girl was still sleeping. The sight of her long hair flowing over her face and the small piece of her naked back he could see outside the sheets was enough to make him hard again. But no, he told himself, she’s asleep and I have to get that pound cake out of the oven soon. What if they started having sex again and the timer went off? That was an awkward moment he didn’t want to have. So he let her be.
An hour passed while he read a book, and the girl still slept. What’s with this girl? he thought to himself. She seems to want to sleep forever. He went down to the kitchenette again to pull out his pound cake, which he discovered had baked beautifully. The golden brown crust looked delicious. He turned it out onto a wire rack to cool and then cut a slice, the warm, soft cake looking bright yellow in the fluorescent lights. He bit into it, and the moisture from the cream cheese was noticeable. This was divine.
He wrapped up the cake and carried it back to his room. The girl was gone. Where did she go? He found a note on his desk. “Had a lovely time. -Christine” it said in bubbly handwriting. There was no phone number, no email address. He wanted to see her again, but the chances of encountering her in school or at that club were slim. This pound cake was the only thing he had to remember this night.
I, like Matt, had a spare block of cream cheese in my fridge, but the events surrounding it were not nearly as exciting. Someday…
Cream Cheese Pound Cake
from Joy the Baker Cookbook
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, softened
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
4 eggs
- Preheat oven to 325F.
- Grease and flour a 9×5-inch loaf pan.
- Whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt, and set aside.
- Beat the cream cheese with a hand mixer or stand mixer until soft.
- Add the butter and sugar and beat until fluffy.
- Add the vanilla and stir until blended.
- Add the eggs, one at a time, beating after adding each.
- Add the flour mixture and beat until just incorporated.
- Pour the batter into the greased and floured loaf pan.
- Bake for 30 minutes.
- Rotate the pan and bake for another 30 to 35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.
- Let the pound cake cool in the pan for 20 minutes before turning out onto a wire rack to cool.
The wet ingredients: cream cheese, butter, sugar, vanilla extract, eggs.
Then the dry ingredients: flour, baking powder, salt. The batter now looks very much like a pound cake batter, as you might expect.
And then the batter goes into a greased and floured pan.
After about 65 minutes in the oven, the cake is done.
I’ve managed to get it out in one piece.
The characteristic split top of pound cake. I love that.
I really liked how moist this pound cake was. Even though there’s half a pound of cream cheese in there, I couldn’t actually taste it, so I think it’s there mostly for the moisture. This one’s a keeper.