I love a good doughnut. The crisp exterior, the fluffy interior, that pleasant sweetness, all melting together in your mouth… it’s like heaven. Sadly, it takes deep frying to achieve that wonderful combination. What’s the home cook without a deep fryer or a big vat of oil to do?
Enter the doughnut muffin. It has the flavor of a doughnut, but it’s baked like a muffin. Sure, it’s not quite the same thing without the deep frying, but it’s healthier, right?
I just wonder, though, how this concoction came about.
As the owner of a doughnut shop, Doug loved the way he could bring a smile onto people’s faces when they bit into one of his warm, sweet doughnuts. He had loved baking since he was a child, and to be able to do it as a profession as an adult was a dream come true. Like many men, he had a guilty pleasure. The way women’s tongues would flick in and out of the large holes of his doughnuts was strangely erotic to him. What was it about women’s tongues in holes that turned him on?
One day, Doug was walking down the street, when he happened upon a new bakery in town. “Marley’s Muffins,” the sign said. Intrigued, he stepped into the store. “Hello!” said a woman at the counter, dressed in a low-cut blue blouse. “Welcome to Marley’s Muffins!” She was incredibly cheerful. Doug loved that.
He looked around the store. True to its name, the store seemed to be filled with muffins. Blueberry, strawberry, raspberry, boysenberry… did they make muffins with every kind of berry? Then came the chocolate ones. Plain chocolate muffins. Chocolate muffins with chocolate chips. “Chocolate Orgasm,” said one label. Doug was intrigued.
“What’s this ‘Chocolate Orgasm’ muffin you’ve got here?” Doug asked the woman at the counter.
“Oh that is our ultimate chocolate creation!” she said, in her usual cheerful manner. “It’s a dark chocolate muffin, filled with a gooey chocolate ganache, topped with cocoa nibs and chocolate chips. If you’re a chocolate lover, you’re almost guaranteed to have an orgasm!” she said with a wink.
I’d like to have an orgasm with you, Doug said under his breath. He hoped that she hadn’t actually heard that. He had a habit of saying things under his breath too loudly. Luckily, the woman didn’t seem to react. “I’ll take two of these,” Doug said.
“Wonderful! That’ll be seven dollars.”
Seven dollars? For two muffins? These had better give me some massive orgasms, Doug thought to himself. As he handed over the money to pay for the muffins, he couldn’t help but notice the woman’s beautiful eyes, in addition to her warm smile. Her low-cut blouse revealed just enough of her breasts to tease his curiosity. “I’m Marley, by the way,” the woman smiled.
“Oh you’re the owner of this place!” Doug exclaimed. He was excited to be meeting a fellow master baker. She was flattered by this man’s interest in her muffin. Doug mustered up the courage to ask her, “It’s a long shot, but are you free for dinner tonight?”
Marley was excited. She thought Doug was tall and handsome, and he seemed like such a genuine, down-to-earth guy. “I am!” she said. She was trying to control her excitement so that she wouldn’t come off as desperate.
Doug and Marley went out to dinner at the local restaurant that Doug took all his first dates to. It was going well. Conversation was flowing like her chocolate ganache when it was just the right temperature. Soon, they had finished their meal. They both knew they wanted to get in each other’s pants. “Wanna come to my place?” Doug asked. She immediately said yes. He couldn’t pay the check fast enough.
Doug’s house was close to his doughnut shop. His shop had been fairly successful, allowing him to buy a nice house in a good location. Marley liked that. She liked a man who did well for himself. Not that she was superficial or anything, but it was always nice to be with someone who could take care of himself.
As she walked in the door, the sexual tension between them was palpable. Marley was hardly able to put her clutch purse on his plush leather couch before they leapt at each other like feral cats fighting over a dead rat. Her blouse was as easy to unbutton as all the other blouses Doug had unbuttoned. He could do this in his sleep. His belt buckle was already pretty loose so that even she could undo it with just one hand. Soon they were down to their underwear. It was time to move to the bedroom.
With their tongues still in each other’s mouths, they made their way over to the bedroom. She jumped onto his king-sized bed, which gave just enough so that she had a soft landing, without being bounced up like a kid on a trampoline. He jumped after her, and the two were making out on the bed, their bodies intertwining like an animated caduceus.
Doug stripped her panties off, revealing her nicely shaved pubic area. It was a good thing Marley had that Brazilian recently as a reward to herself for opening her muffin shop. When I open my muffin shop, my muffin should be nice and clean, she had thought to herself. He rubbed his fingers all over her clitoris, causing her to moan with intense pleasure. Her natural lubrication was gushing out, as wet as a typical afternoon in Seattle.
It was his turn to be pleasured next. Marley yanked off his boxers, revealing his throbbing erection, a tall skyscraper rising up above an urban jungle of pubic hair. She wrapped her mouth around his member, and he grunted with delight. She wanted him inside of her, now.
Marley mounted Doug like a gymnast on a pommel horse. The intensity, the urgency, it was making her so hot she felt like she could pass out from an overload of pleasure right now. As they thrust back and forth like an automatic cocktail shaker, waves of pleasure came over both of them. Their moans had become synchronized. A deep, bellowing carnal sound that shook the walls with magnificent force.
Just when neither one thought they could take it anymore, they had both reached the point of no return. He pulled out of her while simultaneously stroking her, causing her to erupt with indescribable pleasure while he erupted all over her stomach. They had both reached a new high in orgasmic pleasure.
After they had cleaned up, they were both ravenous from their intense lovemaking session. Marley knew that Doug owned a doughnut shop. “I would sooo love a cinnamon sugar doughnut right now,” she said playfully.
Doug, being the doughnut master, had a deep fryer at home. But he had no oil. His last little conquest had requested doughnuts, too, and there went the last of his oil supply. What was with these women and doughnuts? He looked at Marley, and she seemed disappointed. He could never allow himself to disappoint a woman.
He had an idea. Doug had an abundance of sugar and cinnamon, being in the doughnut business and all. So he made a quick batter of sugar, milk, butter, and flour, and he threw in some baking powder. He got out his muffin tin, and put the batter into the cups. It was like doughnut batter, but baked like muffins. She would like that, he thought to himself. After they were done baking, he pulled them out of the oven, filling the kitchen with that wonderful aroma of fresh baked goods. He quickly dipped them in some melted butter and rolled them in some cinnamon sugar.
Marley took a bite out of one of his muffins. She was delighted. A sweet treat that tasted like a doughnut, but in the form of her favorite baked good, the muffin! She knew this man was a keeper.
Well, I am unfortunately not as skilled as Doug when it comes to improvising muffin recipes, so I found one here. I made a couple of changes, however, and they still came out great.
Doughnut Muffins
For the muffins:
1/2 cup white sugar
1/4 cup melted butter
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 cup milk
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 cup all-purpose flour
For the sugar coating:
1/4 cup melted butter
1/2 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
- Preheat the oven to 375F, and grease 24 mini-muffin cups.
- Mix together the sugar, melted butter, and nutmeg in a bowl until combined.
- Add the milk, baking powder, and flour, and mix until just combined.
- Fill the mini-muffin cups about half full with the batter.
- Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, until the tops of the muffins are golden brown.
- Mix the sugar and cinnamon in a bowl for the coating.
- While the muffins are still warm, dip them in the melted butter, and then roll them in the cinnamon sugar. Serve after cooling.
This recipe produces a surprisingly small amount of batter. So little that it’s hard to believe it would even make 24 mini-muffins.
Perhaps a bit uneven, but I managed to get 24 mini-muffins out of it.
Nice and brown after 15 minutes in the oven.
After dipping them in melted butter and then rolling them in cinnamon sugar, they have that nice sandy appearance of sugar doughnut holes.
Well, they are actually muffins though, so as you can see they’re not spherical like doughnut holes.
The exterior has a nice crunch from the cinnamon sugar, and the inside is nice and moist.
I love the mini-muffins since they’re so easy to just pop into your mouth. Maybe I’ll make regular-sized doughnut muffins next time.